This and that..

Surviving the dog not being around. It is harder than I thought it would be..I look for her in the mornings still. Think of the 9+ years we took her for her daily walk every afternoon. Miss her little face and being able to pet her. Someone who depended on us. This is the first time in my adult life I do not have someone totally dependent on me, well except H and he does not really count. Who are we without our kids at home, pets to take care of? A new identity that has not completely formed I suppose. The grief of losing pets is very real. I look at some pet grief sites and some folks take years to get over it. I hope this is not me. I already feel better than a week ago so maybe not so long. H and I talk about it, how hard it is, how we miss M&M..

Ankle report: I went to the doctor as I reported. He said probaby not to run for 10 days (last Wed). So I am doing my best to take his advice. I was suppose to run 11 miles on Sunday. I only walked 3.5, then 4.5 mile walk on Monday. Walking uses different muscles, I am discovering. My hamstrings are sore! At least I feel like I am doing something! H is injured too so we both will be walking 10-12 miles this Saturday. That should be interesting. I will start to run next week, as long as my ankle is pain free. I feel it only occasionally now.
Yesterday we did speed drills on the bike. That was HARD..

We had a swim lesson the other day with Coach Eric. I felt fast! With him yelling at me at every turn PULL! it was no problem. I get lazy and do not do such a great job pulling when he is not there yelling. I will have to have an imaginary yelling coach in my head I suppose as I practice from now on. I really think I could nail a 1:10 swim at IMWA, all conditions in my favor and the water is calm.

The weather is turning cold. We are off to ride bikes with our Wed AM group. It is in the 40s so leg warmers, gloves are in order now.This weekend we will be doing a century organized ride in Acoma Pueblo. This is where I will really be able to tell if I am in shape...The run thing scares me as I lose valuable miles injured but if I can keep up my bike and swim training, I am hoping it will all be OK come race day..
Massage this afternoon..Ahhh...

Thursday Thirteen..

1. I turned 55 today. That is 2 hands held up (both together)..I can't believe it..

2. I swam 55-100s in the pool to just say I did. It took me 2 hours and 10 min. I took 15 secs between 100s and a potty break in the middle. My arms got tired. The rest of me didn't.

3. I am really hungry because of #2.

4. We drove to Chama with Mocha's ashes in the front seat after my swim. They were about as lively as she was lately..it was very weird and sad to come up here without her..

5. I read someones blog that made me realize I will saying "on your right" in Australia alot..

6. My sprained ankle hurts sometimes..Just to remind me it is still there..

7. Heidi, Heather, Becca, Dan, Jack, Avery and Hadley will be here this weekend to see each other in lieu of Thanksgiving and Christmas. To celebrate mine and Heidi's birthdays and to spread the ashes of the 2 family dogs..

8. Moth balls around your car keeps critters from getting under the hood and building a nest. We know this because this has happened to us twice up here and it cost several hundred dollars to fix. So the downstairs smells like mothballs.

9. I feel very behind in my training. Just like every other Ironman training person probably does at some point..

10. I can walk 14 minute miles. I think I may count on walking some of the marathon this time at IMWA.

11. IMWA will be on a Saturday, which is Friday here. That is strange to think about..

12. I do not care what anyone says, Ibuprofen works!!

13. I can remember telephone numbers like you would not believe. Uncanny..I cannot remember what happened yesterday but I can remember my childhood phone number and many many others. Funny what the computer stores!

Sign of insanity?

Dr: How did you sprain your ankle?

Me: I was ..uh..running at night..um..with a group of people doing a running relay.

Dr: Why were you running at night now?

Me: It was a 24 hour race. You know running..

Dr: Hmmm....

Dr: (after looking at a previous MRI of my spine and neck) Now why is it you are still running? Do you have sciatica or back pain or both?

Me: Back pain mostly. I use A.R.T. to treat it..

Dr: What is ART?

Me: A chiropractic thing....

Dr: Well, I suppose it is keeping you healthy and all. I don't know how long you are going to be able to keep running with this spine..

Me: Well, I guess my days are numbered but I am training for an Ironman.

Dr: Shakes his head...and smiles...

Dr: (after looking at my ankle). Not a bad sprain. Posterior pain but no anterior pain. That is good..I will give you an air cast to wear..

Me: Can I run in it?

Dr. Well, until the pain is gone I wouldn't.

Me: Can I walk fast in it until then?

Dr: Sure...You should use the cast for 10 days or so..

I came home, took 600 mgs of Vitamin "I" (I know, I know..don't send me those articles please) and immediately went out and walked 5 miles...

Is this the sign of a crazy person??

Colorado Relay Report..

This is the second year I have done this "race" I call it a "race" because it is more of a fun 2 day event with lots of fun friends with running in between...It is in all, a 170 mile run between 10 people, 2 vans and 2 drivers...

We started on Thursday at the airport, where our plane left around 12:30. Orlando and I were the only ones there until about 12:00. I thought maybe they were playing a cruel joke on us and really we were the only ones doing the relay--ha! However alas, not everyone is as anal retentive as I am and has to be at the airport 2 hours before their flight. We all got on the plane..

Anyhoo we took off and even the SWA flight attendant announced our presence on the plane: the New Mexico Triathlon Racing Team-welcome! That was cool. We all were nervously excited as we made the quick trip to Denver. After a very smooth transition into 2-15 passenger vans, we made our way to the nearest Walmart to "stock up" for the race. Now between 12 people we managed to spend about $300 in shit to eat, drink, coolers, etc..this is besides all the nutrition we each had for our own legs of the race...Needless to say, there was a wee bit left over at the end! 2 jars of unopened pickles was the funniest leftover!

Off to Breckenridge, the start of the race. We did the race check in, which was very speedy compared to last year, checked into our hotel and were at a restaurant eating massive amounts of pizza by 7:30 PM. There was Dread Pirate, who is our "team captain" and organizer extraordinaire, Mark, Margaret, Tim, Paul, Kristin, Brian, Dave, Orlando and myself. The drivers were Damon, who has more electronic GPS equipment than the airplane we came in on, (plus high falootin radios to talk to each others' vans with) and Mike, who is a runner by nature but has been injured so opted to drive. This was our crew. Most of them are faster than me and younger than me. Well, all of them are, actually. I had carefully chosen my leg by saying I want one of the easier legs! Done! I had leg 7, which was basically a 6 mile run, a 4.5 mile run and a 2.5 mile run. I was in "van B" which had the leg 5-10 in it. In short, each person had 3 runs to do at all hours of the day and night in the next 27 or so hours after the race started...

After our very serious "pre-race meeting" in the hot tub the night before, and all had slept at least a few hours, our race started at 5:30 AM in Breckenridge.
This was out intended route:

The route got shifted at the last minute. Something about rock slides on a mountain pass. So the first 4 legs got changed up a bit and we had a second start with leg 5 further down the road at 9:00 AM.

Which meant we had Brian from Van A in our van for awhile. He is new and seemed to fit in quite well as he actually did run in his underwear his last run, as we had told him this was the initiation (it wasn't)-ha!

Our van's runs started around 10:30 AM Friday with Orlando and leg 6. At this point I drank a "Rockstar" energy drink, since my first leg (7) was to follow in about an hour. We drove around to the next exchange point and I awaited Orlando, and waited, and waited....DP and Margaret were about to kill me as the Rockstar apperently made me "a little hyper" :) I continued to wait, saw Becca come in, who was doing the race with some of her friends. That was cool. But where the heck was Orlando. Visions of him lying hurt in a ditch were a concern. Making a wrong turn was really a concern as there are some big ass mountains to get lost in up there..DP started getting worried and asked the race official what they do when we cannot find our team member. Time went by...they radioed the transition area we had just left-nada....Now 2 hours into a 6 mile run and we were worried..Then, DP got it! I bet he is running your leg too Debi! Just like that we figured it out. There was a turnoff 3/4 of a mile up the road where outbound runners were going and he took that turn. Yep that was it! They found him at the next exchange point. Well, crap now what do we do? We asked the race officials if I could run that extra 1.5 miles he did not run and call it good and they said yes! I ran or rather walked fast up the hill at 10,000 feet .75 miles then hauled ass down. Done! I felt kinda wierd at this point. Kind of annoyed, kind of relieved, kind of jealous..glad Orlando was OK!!

So we sped off to Exchange 7 and found Orlando, who never ever heard the end of it the rest of the trip, you can believe that. How does one just "accidently run 6 extra miles?" Well, you would have to ask Orlando that. However, I had a dilemma: a) I was caffeinated enough to run 20 miles now b) I had eaten 3000 calories in junk food and c) I had not run yet and it was 3:00 PM! OK, so I struck a deal with Orlando. I would run leg 16 with him (his leg) and 17 on my own (my leg).

After a fruitless attempt to "sleep" for a couple of hours at 7:30 at night...we got moving to our check point..

We did not start the run until almost midnight. As we waited for the runners coming in from Vail, we saw one hysterical woman who almost got run over by a drunk and one visibly upset woman who saw a bear. Holy crap I am glad I am not running alone..Last year I had run that leg and remember how hard it was to run at night down a trafficked road. Geez! We took off for our little 3.5 mile run along the highway and it was not so bad. Orlando and I were quiet, probably a sign of fatigue and night running, which by the way is so awesome! I could see the stars and mountains-very beautiful! Then, all of a sudden I twisted my ankle, heard a "pop" and down I went. Oh shit! It hurt...I can't lie..really hurt bad for about 1 minute. Orlando helped me up. I thought Oh no-my race is over! But I willed myself to start running again..the pain left..Thank goodness that is over! Or so I thought...

Exchange 17 came and went and there I was running alone in the dark against oncoming traffic. It really was pretty even so and night runnning with music is an ethereal experience in itself. To digress a bit, I was drinking so much G-2, water and anything to keep me from being dehydrated after the fiasco last year that I just kept having to pee. Constantly..I saw probably every porta-potty at every exhange point plus a few gas station BRs..So of course I had to go right the middle of my night run, 1:00 AM or so and NO ONE was around. I saw a fire station and thought Oh that should be a safe place to make a pit stop in front of, in the weeds here.. The only thing I did not count on was the very bright motion detector that came on just as I was "doing my business" Hmmm, wonder if these guys think I am mooning them? Oh I hauled ass so fast out of there, you would not believe! OK, back on the road. It was still pretty. Then all of a sudden, Bam! Ankle turned AGAIN and I am on the ground again! This time no one to help me up. Again I just ran through the pain, probably not such a smart thing. I just refused to think about it and the pain left again..I made pretty good time on that 4.5 mile run part. I had now run 8 miles, fallen twice and almost got busted for public nudity. Not the best run ever but my time was OK, I survived the night and the next run would be in daylight-YAY!!

After I got in the van, this time I was able to sleep. I smelled like a dead animal or something but somehow managed to stop and wash up then sleep-yay! I slept right through Margaret and Jane's run. Felt a little bad about that but 2 hours of sleep by now was like gold!! Last year I had no sleep, not enough fluids and ended up puking on my friends and the van, thus cutting my little adventure short. I was WAY more respectful of the elements this year. Last year, it rained, snowed and there was mud and cold. This year it was sunny and just plain cold at night. Fantastic weather for these parts!!

Finally, the sun came up and we were down the home stretch!!! Orlando did his leg 26 and I stood right in front of him and got the exchange this time. It was a quick 2.4 miles through a town I do not remember but I made it!! There was such a high after that last run-I was done, in one piece and feeling pretty good..We watched our last 3 runners do their thing and at the end, the finish line, DP took it on in with all of us running the last block:

We were done!!

I felt in pretty good shape, no dehydration issues, nagging pain in my left ankle but was good to go. We spent Sat night in a set of 2 fabulous condos in Silverthorne, with fabulous views. I was in bed by 8:15, probably a product of my age at this point. The next morning we all had a great breakfast where Margaret made her famous "scones" (ok you could market and sell these Margaret). Lots of stories shared, laughing done and in general relishing our finish. Here are the stats:

Total Miles 170.1

Total Ascent 13,651 feet

Total decent 15,127 feet

Our Finish time was 27:40:59

Average min per mile for the 170.1 miles was 9:46..

So not too bad, heh?

Oh the only bad news was that my left ankle was now swollen into a pretty bad goose egg. Damn! R.I.C.E. for the last 2 days and it is still sore but not as swollen. After horror stories on Facebook about not healing if you run on it too soon and surgery because I did not let my sprained ankle heal I am scared straight into not runnning for a few days. I see my MD tomorrow for a physical so will check with him on the matter but I think my running friends know probably more. So I swam yesterday and I am jonesing to run!!!

I loved every minute of the Colorado Relay, well except the falling part...Good friends, great scenery, well run race and fun, fun, fun!!

Spent the night with Becca, Dan and baby on Sunday night and flew home yesterday. As I sit here this morning, I still smile when I think of the weekend and cannot wait until next year!

A very sad goodbye..

I am re-posting this part as a history of our beloved Mocha:

12 years ago, we lost a dog that got hit by a car. We had only had her a year. That was so traumatic. As a result one of my kids, Heather & I went to the Humane Association right away and found the cutest dog ever-Mocha. The woman who was showing us around said, "Oh, and this is her sister" pointing to a black dog huddled in the corner in the kennel next Mocha's. Oh god, how can we NOT adopt this one too? Heather & I decided we could not split these 2 up-I mean what kind of person would split up siblings? So we went and adopted both of them but they had to get fixed so we didn't bring them home that day. I got home and told Hartley we adopted 2 dogs-sisters! he flipped out-"No I won't have TWO dogs, ever!" So Heather & I schemed and she went with him to the shelter to pick out which dog we wanted. Well, Heather turned on her Heather charm and guess what? They brought home 2 dogs (Hartley muttering something about not being able to choose). We have had these dogs since they were puppies. (Yes that is pee stain on our carpet-they loved to do that-we did not love that).

So these dogs have gone through raising 4 teenage daughters (well i think the 2 older ones were gone by now), 2 houses, building of one cabin and many, many trips to Chama. We thought we lost them once when a bottle of Tylenol was found empty on the floor and we thought it had been full. They were puppies and of course eating everything-they even ate holes in the wall in picture above. The Tylenol scare ended up to be nothing or they never reacted I guess. They once ate a whole bag of chocolate Halloween candy. Now there was some serious diarrhea after that. We think the neighbor was poisoning our dogs because Midnite became really sick and almost died in our last house. She was on steroids for years for the autoimmune disorder she supposedly had but funny how she could get off of the meds after we moved (I hated that neighbor). The steroids made her one crazy hungry dog. She once ate a hundred dollar bill, 2 tickets to the biggest basketball Lobo game ever, and loved tissues and papers. Once we moved into this house things calmed down a bit.Mocha and Midnite were now inside dogs! They loved it. We kept them in the kitchen at night, they hung out with us all the time. By this time of course they were very attached to Hartley, whom they followed everywhere. He, of course grew to love both our puppies over the years and they are "his dogs". So the last 6 years we have been in this house and kids are gone, they are really like our children. just enough a pain in the ass that you wonder why you have them, then as loving as can be and you cannot imagine life without these pets..

Imagine how difficult it was in September when the vet finally said it was time to let Midnite go. She had a tumor in her head, we had her to the vet many times, all kinds of meds. They are now considered geriatric dogs and each day a gift. I can't tell you how hard it was to see Midnite in the vet's office fully awake, about to go to doggy heaven. Her last act was to come over to me and bury her head in my lap. Kind of like saying-oh I am not sure I am ready. Or maybe saying goodbye. Hartley, Heather & I were there. We watched her go to sleep, painlessly and it was the hardest day i think I have ever had, except maybe when my mom died. Hartley and I can still barely talk about her. We took her to the cabin her last weekend on the planet. We knew it was time when she could no longer run and chase animals in the woods. Here is our sweet, neurotic Midnite with Hartley that last weekend.

Sometimes I can feel her in the house still. Of course Mocha was a bit confused after Midnite was gone. She couldn't understand why she was able to eat her food, un-harrassed. Midnite was the dominate dog and now Mocha had the whole space to herself. She didn't know what to do! She really didn't seem to skip a beat until she got out of the kitchen one day and tore down a bunch of our wooden blinds-this from a dog that has never had an act of aggression in her life (except toward other dogs). An expensive acting out for Mocha and us. i must admit, it was a bit of relief to finally have daily walks where Mocha did not go after other dogs, they did not fight with each other anymore (that got to be a problem later in life). So there really are positives in having just one dog. But we miss that black part lab,part chow dog.

Here is Mocha-the remaining canine in the family:

Mocha is now 12 years old. She is not eating these past few days, has some blood in her stool. She is still very excited to go for walks-that is a good sign. We are taking her to the vet tomorrow-dreading the worst but hoping it is a passing thing. Hartley and I can't stand the thought of putting another dog down right now, our last "child". But we know it is inevitable someday soon-we just are not ready yet. Are we ever ready to say goodbye to our pets-those furry animals whose only goal in life is to comfort you, protect you and serve you? I think not.

Here I sit more than 2 years later and cannot believe Mocha pushed her little soul to live another 2 years. The rest of this post is really sad so if you do not want to read on..

Last weekend, we watched Mocha romping with the children (well, romping is a bit of an exaggeration). Here she is again, "taking a walk" with Ellie. She simply could not get enough "walks" that day..

I am amazed she was even able to walk that much and she seemed so happy. The last few months we have watched Mocha deteriorate to the point her walks have become ever so short. She was falling alot, having trouble with her legs locking up under her. Her appetite seemed to be good especially after we switched her to the ever so unhealthy cheapass canned food! I suppose when you are with a pet 24 hours a day it is difficult to see the deterioration. I know at some point last spring, we did make "the appointment" and then cancelled when she apparently got worried when she heard us talking about "the last visit" and rallied. We never thought she would make it through the summer. Last time I picked her up at the kennel after a weekend gone, I got the sense they thought we were nuts for keeping her alive...I felt guilty..

We realized that at some point we would need to put her to sleep before our 2 month trip. I would never put a dog through that separation at the age of 14, esp. when she appeared to be suffering at this point. She still followed H into his room every night to lay on his floor by his feet. When she gazed longingly up at the couch (which we let her get up on after Midnite died), we would lift her up to what seemed to be her favorite spot at times...She still "watched TV" with us. One time in the last month, she even barked when the doorbell rang, something we had not heard in a long time...Hartley started telling her about a month ago Please make this easy on us. We have been good to you. Please let us know when to let you go..and she did...

On Tuesday, she did not eat anything and was drinking water like crazy. On Wed, we noticed a huge lump over her right eye. This was the same exact thing that happened to Midnite when the vet had told us something is obviously growing there. Her whole face changed. She started labored breathing and we knew it was close to the end...her last walk was Wednesday and she got confused and started wandering into the woods. This is when we knew..it was time...Oh man the sadness is indescribable as we were calling people around the area to see what the hell to do..I called the mobile vet to see if he could come and do the deed but when he mentioned the word carcass I said no way! I talked to DP on the phone, crying and telling her that we had Midnite's ashes up at the cabin. We had never been able to open the urn, it was glued shut. I walked over to see and sure enough the urn was completely unstuck and I saw Midnite's ashes for the first time in 3 years. I thought H had "unstuck it" but when I asked, he had not. It was like Midnite was giving us the OK to finally let Mocha join her..

H finally got a hold of a vet in Taos, 1.5 hours away, who could not only put her to sleep but do the cremation and give us her ashes. The drive to Taos was the longest, saddest drive of our life. It was excruciating..

We finally arrived. Heidi and Jack were there, thank God..Mocha would not even move from the back of the car as we "checked her in" Of course the vet's office was full of lively pets and people and it all seemed so wrong.. I had really wanted our vet, the one that has known Mocha for 14+ years to give her the "last shot" but alas it was not meant to happen that way. We could not imagine driving her all the way back to ABQ, plus we wanted to stay in Chama. Whatever..we were there...The woman at the front desk was very sweet and sympathetic. She had a 16 year old dog named "Mochi"-something I called Mocha all the time. So again another sign I guess. Finally after 45 minutes, I picked Mocha up, (she cried) but with dignity, walked into the vet's office. He gave her the first shot to relax her and she immediately ran out of the room-great! Jack went and got her and of course she came over and buried her head in my lap, just as Midnite had done..I was balling pretty hard by now and Jack told me he would stay with her until the end..I left..maybe I should not have but I just could not take seeing another dog put down. I told her she had been such a good dog and I loved her and thanked her for staying around so long...After about 5 minutes, Jack came out and said it was over...We all cried forever it seemed, then went to pick up Avery and have lunch with her sweet little 3 year old face, which perked us all up even in our shocked state.

So H and I headed back to the cabin and it was so quiet! Mocha, mind you never made any noise, it just was so quiet! H and I cried and threw out all the doggy items...and cried some more..Don't think I have cried this much since my sister died 8 years ago..

We kept hearing the dog..Mocha sighing, dogs barking..H thought he almost "tripped over Mocha"-really weird stuff. We were suppose to have company again for the weekend but by yesterday AM, we knew we had to get the hell out of there. The memories of her being so sick, the whole thing..we thought distance might help...We did manage a mini triathlon on Friday. We swam in the lake, rode our bikes and were going to do a long run until we almost got hit by lightening and decided the 2 mile run off the bike was enough.We ran yesterday AM and did OK until we walked up the driveway to the house and the memories came flooding back. We are outa here!

We got home yesterday, went to some friends' house for dinner, where we related the whole thing, did some laughing and generally forgot Mocha for a bit. Last night I went downstairs and realized we had never been in this house without dogs..I looked out the back door, half expecting to see Mocha wagging her tail to come in..ahhh,....the denial part of grief..

Anyone who says losing a pet is not like losing a person is dead wrong. Maybe not the same type of grief? A person is not with you 24/7 except maybe a spouse. Mocha was always with us, giving us unconditional love. She had the sweetest spirit ever and anyone who ever met her, fell in love with her. So now she is in doggy heaven, Midnite probably fighting with her over who will be dominate dog up there..who knows?

We will get her ashes in 2 weeks and go up to Chama a spread both their ashes over our land up there. A place they loved the most.

We will go on with our lives. No pets for now. We have some sense of relief that we can now travel, be more spontaneous with our lives without the responsibility of pets. We still would rather have Mocha back any day though...Indescribably sadness here still but it will get better. We will keep training and living life and hopefully someday see our amazing dogs, who lived so long with us, again..

Goodby my sweet Mocha, Mochi, Mochi-bug, Mochachica, Mochapottomus,Mochster..all the names we called you and you always were there....