I had a strange dream last night. I was at a high school reunion. All my best girlfriends from HS were there and they basically ignored me. They didn't save a seat at the table they were eating at-I was so hurt in my dream! Now some would say it was the full bag of Red Vines I had at the movies last night (this is my tradition at the movies-training be damned!). I think it has more to do with the memories I have of being on the swimteam in HS and being so slow. I think I have discussed this before-if so-don't read on..I was the fastest kid in my AG when I was 9 years old because I was so tall. Then as time went on, I became slower and slower. Now as a kid, this was traumatic for me! I could never quite get with the fast kids. This is a bit how I feel right now in triathlon. I want to train with the fast kids and my brain can be logical and say-yes I am female, yes I am "older", though I am in denial about this, I may not have the genetics to win (I prefer to look like a female thank you). However, emotionally, it sucks having to train so slow, not keep up, be left out of the fast workouts. I am realistic-I am not 35 or even 45. I am not feeling sorry for myself, I am way past that, but the deep seated hurt and feelings of inferiority do exist even on a subconcious level. Maybe this is one of the reasons I am attracted to training and racing triathlons. I want to prove myself at last! It is such a great journey for that reason. Hey if I keep going I can again be the fastest at age 70 just because I endured! Then maybe the fast kids will be old too.