Being retired from the mental health field, I am all too familiar with this defense mechanism but never really related it to training before..but come to think of it, we must have to use it often to train for Ironman..
Denial: An unconscious defense mechanism used to reduce anxiety by denying thoughts, feelings, or facts that are consciously intolerable.
7:30 this AM:
H: Why are you dressed in bike clothes?
Me: Why I am going on my 3 hour bike ride that I missed yesterday. (I was tired, took an unscheduled day off).
H: Are you kidding me? It is raining outside!
Me: No it's not.
H: The ground is wet-it is freezing and raining!
Me: Oh, I don't think it is still raining. I am going to ride no matter what!
Now this is where Ironman insanity comes in. At this point in the training, it is like I have to get in all my workouts, no matter what! I spent the first hour and a half, riding in the rain, wind and cold-all denying it was happening and kept telling myself: This will let up any minute now. Afterall, this is New Mexico-it never rains all day here. The weather man got it wrong, etc..
That turned into praying: Please let it stop raining, please!
The longer I rode, the harder it rained, the colder it got and then the wind started really howling. At first I thought what great bad weather training! Then..as time went on.. it wasn't fun anymore so I decided to ride to the gym, with the wind hoping to run into my hubby there. As I stood shivering in the gym lobby, I picked up the phone.
Me: Uh, are you at the gym?
H: No I am not going til this afternoon.
Me (in my best martyr voice): Oh, I guess I will have to wait until then for you to pick me up then..
H (in somewhat of an annoyed tone): I'll come get you..
Now I must admit this was a little crazy even for me. I am a fair weather biker, that is for sure. But there is this sense of urgency in me to get these last 30 days of workouts in, just in case. I mean this could be the one bike ride that makes me or breaks me at IMCDA!
Is this nuts or what?
Well, I only got 2 hours in of riding in the rain. So I went on to do my weight workout, then 3500 yd swim, just to punish myself, I think.
Geez...are we there yet?