Heeellllooo 2011!

Maybe peeps will still read this, maybe not..I don't care really..I am back to the blog world. I think I felt better when I blogged. Facebook has taken over most of my energy..and most of my bloggy friends..I am going to try and write more often. My life has expanded since IMWA, Australia and New Zealand. I find myself referring to old posts just to remember what the hell I have done the last few years. Isn't that sad? My brain cells are just not firing like they use to..unfortunately..So documentation is really necessary if I expect to leave any legacy at all, which more and more seems to be the goal in middle-aged life! My grandchilren can read about me or at least see a little bit into my world, when I am long gone and they become curious..someday..as I did in recent years. I wish my mom had kept a diary or something just so I could imagine more  what she was like, how she thought, felt..I am filling in some of the blanks. My kids can fill them in on the rest!

The past year has been pretty rough. My mother in law became pretty sick in May. She was one tough older lady, had fought some pretty courageous physical battles over the last few years. But alas in August, she lost the battle and she departed this world. It is very strange to think loved ones are not here anymore. Many times I have wanted to pick up the phone and call her..just to check in like always..I believe on some level she is still around. When she appears in my dreams, this is when I feel like she is present, helping us out, laughing at our latest escapades, wagging her finger and giving us her opinion (she liked to do that sometimes!).. Following dear Bea's death, I went to a dark place emotionally, probably the darkest since I lost my own mom in 1994. After about 3 months I emerged to find the world had gone on without me and if I wanted to still ride, I would have to jump back on the merry-go-round! So I did, maybe slowly at first-eventually running up to speed and jumping on..

We did what most normal grieving people do-we bought a house! Not that we were really looking..just checking out lots to maybe buy, etc. And just "by chance" a friend told us of a lovely home on the  market just behind them. We checked it out and it was love at first sight for both H & I. We scurried and made an offer which finally worked out and the keys were ours! Should we move before or after Christmas became the big question. One of our friends told us they moved before Christmas and it basically ruined their holidays. Oh, that was a no brainer after hearing that! All of our clan was coming home for Christmas so we stayed in the old house until after Christmas. Half our house was gone to the new house but it was fun nonetheless. We even managed a family picture session, in which the 3 little ones cooperated so much, I watched in amazement. We are all hams, it seems!

This makes me smile.. Our bunch are quite the crew..I have so much love for my family-I can hardly stand it! 

Two days after Christmas, we made the move. Granted it was only a 2 mile move but it still took mega energy. This was met with vigorous enthusiasm as we took dozens of loads of "stuff" even though the movers took the bulk of it; we still had bunches to get over here. It was a fine time to purge all our old s^&*t! I love purging organizing. You can ask H-this is one of my favorite things ever. I can organize for hours, days and never tire of it. The new house is almost as perfectly organized as I could imagine. Old stuff, new stuff, different stuff. It is all here. The one difference in this move was the partnership of  H & I planning and decorating the new digs. H is really good at decorating it seems, so between my compulsive organizing and his brilliant decorating skills, we make quite the team! There were minimal "discussions" about where to put things, how to fill the rooms, etc. I was able to be as flexible as my little Virgo brain could be and had to walk away a few times to keep from acting like a 2 year old. It was remarkable how much we both have the same tastes after all these years. I love my hubby and moving to our new home was one of the most fun experiences we have had together!

So as I am settling into our new abode, I am walking into the wrong room less and less. We have a whole new kitchen and appliances. The new GE Advantium oven is a-m-a-z-i-n-g! It is, as one friend described a " triple threat microwave, convection and ultra-violet oven  cooks and browns and does it quickly and better than an actual oven." 

I have actually COOKED 3 times since we moved in. Two successes, one failure. Not bad for a rusty chef..do I like cooking? Well, I guess when it is a new toy, yes!

More about training, health issues in future posts. And since I can't figure out how to change the damn font, I will stop for now!

Refuse to Lose...

That is the motto of our University of  New Mexico Lobo basketball team. Now me and the Lobos go way back..I arrived in ABQ when I was 19 years old, that is 1973 if I have my math correct. I was a Lobo fan back then..It just seemed second nature to get behind the local basketball team. I had done that all my life in little Findlay, Ohio where I grew up, where the whole town backed the high school basketball team, the Trojans. I use to listen to a portable radio to Lobo games and once in awhile, if I was lucky, I got tickets to the Pit, where seriously if you have never been, you must go. It is kind of a fish bowl, with the basketball court at the bottom and Lobo fans are SERIOUS about their Lobos. The sound of the crowd on a good night is deafening! It is known to be one of the LOUDEST basketball venues in the country..

Anyway, back in the day when I was a mere child (19), I use to ride my bike down Central Ave. in ABQ at 8:00 PM, to get to my shift called the Bar Run at Village Inn Pancake House. The bar run is where all the folks who have shut down the bar come in and have their "breakfast" of pancakes in order to sober up. This meant I rode my bike, back down Central, at 4:00 AM home to what is now pretty much the hell hole of ABQ..Back then it was safe.I never worried about getting hurt. This was 1973 mind you! Sometimes I would just hitchhike to work..Seriously! I use to regularly wait on a man named Norm Ellenburger, who was one of the greatest Lobo coaches ever. He coached the Lobos from 1972-1979 until there was Lobo-gate, a recruiting scandal that left the program in tatters...His team was ranked in the top ten..

Fast forward a few years or decades and we have Season Tickets to the Lobo games from 1987 to probably around 3 years ago..We saw some good games and a good coach for a few years. Then we saw a few really, really bad coaches come through. We went to the NCAA tournament a few times...never really got to far..I think the best was 2nd round back in the 90s..We were die hard Lobo fans..Then as life went on, and the team got worse, we finally gave up our tickets. Oh the few games we went to here and there since then were OK,  but never did we have a good team. I can count on one hand how many road games we won in 5 years previous to this year's team.

Enter Steve Alford three years ago to the NM basketball program..Who the heck was he? Oh just another "bad coach" recruited to "better the program", or so I thought. I do not think we were the only fans that gave up our season tickets. There were many "fair weather" fans out there. I do not think I even followed the Lobos that closely the last two years..I admit..I am a fair weather fan. We had gone through so many bad years, bad, REALLY bad coaches..I just could not bare to watch anymore..

This year: OK, so we were gone the first half of the basketball season..we hear word from home that the Lobos were doing well this year. Say what? They were picked to finish somewhere in the middle of our Mountain West League. When we got home, we started paying a little closer attention. We went to a game. The Lobos had only lost three games all year! Suddenly we came from virtual obscurity to ranked in the top 25 teams in the nation. I started listening to the post game shows again..I am not believing we gave up our season tickets. All the games are sold out by this time..We have watched on TV as the Lobo kids have been behind at the end and pulled off a victory at least four times in the last month..Holy crap!

Here is the deal: this team cannot lose on the road..They cannot lose period. We just pulled off the biggest upset of the year, winning against BYU, at BYU in front of 22,000 people...I was SCREAMING at my radio once again. We were behind and just pulled it off one more time! I am in shock..At the airport yesterday, 1500 people greeted the team coming home from Utah. It was mayhem!  The Lobos are serious contenders in the NCAA tournament. They are now ranked 8th in the nation!! They could actually be seeded 3rd in the post season tournament!


This takes me back to my Norm Ellenberger days, the bar run days in which we had a REALLY REALLY good basketball team...I am sad we cannot get tickets to the last home game this Wednesday. The team is 23 and 3. That is only three losses all year!! I am stunned and happy for those kids and Albuquerque and all the die hard Lobo fans. It is front page of the paper almost everyday here in ABQ.

I watched a video today of the players after the BYU game. Here is the deal. Their motto is We refuse to lose! And that is how every game I have seen looks..I am thinking what if I incorporated this into my life-I refuse to lose!  It just proves that no matter what anyone says, a team with the same mentality and winning spirit can make anything happen..Even if we suck the rest of the year, I have learned from this team of young Lobos (most of them will be back next year).


I refuse to lose!


Oh and we got tickets to the Mountain West tournament in two weeks in Las Vegas so we can see first hand our team do their refuse to lose thing!

Friday fourteen (I think I made this up)..

1. I have crawled out of my post-race, post "fabulous trip" depression..time to get on with life!
This is directly proportional to the amount of training I have been doing...It works! For 2 weeks I have been running, biking and weights..

2. I am now accepting my new weight. I weigh the same right now that I did the day before IMWA so this must be my new weight-it is 8 lbs heavier than 2 years ago, 10 lbs heavier than I was in high school. I am over worrying about it, stressing about it. I eat healthy, do not overeat, train daily and nothing has really changed in the  past 2 years except I am older....When I die, no one is going to say Wow did you see those extra lbs she gained over the years? Well, no one I care about will anyway! I sucked it up and bought a size bigger jeans which H says are laughable, they look so baggy. But they are not tight in the waist, which makes me feel better..
(I love a husband who will tell you you need smaller jeans...he has learned!)

3. Speaking of husbands, mine does all the shopping and cooking. I can't remember the last time I set foot in a grocery store at home. The deal is; he cooks..I clean and do laundry (which is no small task I must say). The problem is I am use to hiring people to do the real dirty work house cleaning. I am having a harder time justifying this these days.I am perfectly capable of cleaning my own house. Actually I do a BETTER job than the folks I hire. So why do I detest it so?? This is one area of my life that I procrastinate (like I am doing right now) until I know people are coming over or company coming..

4. I have been running into a lot of stories of children dying lately. This makes me really, really sad...and grateful that we have 4 beautiful daughters and 3 granddaughters that are relatively healthy. I have had my share of deaths, but never a child. For that I am so thankful!

5. I have about 5 running socks that have no match. I keep waiting for mate of the socks to magically show up. These socks have been in my drawer about a year. I do not know why I can't just throw them away! I keep thinking But what if the other sock turns up next week? Ahhh..the trials of the retired person!

6. As athletic as I am, I really, really suck at golf. I tried to golf a few years ago, even went to "Golf Camp" but to no avail. My kids can attest to my horrible hand-eye coordination as they witnessed me trying to "play" volleyball at the last family reunion..Maybe when I am old(er), I will try golf again. I would like to be good..I just think I do not have the "golf gene"..I like the vision of hanging out with other little old ladies at the "club" someday, sipping tea after a round of nine..We'll see.

7. An old high school friend found a picture of me in our HS musical, singing. I had a lead role and I keep thinking Who was that person? I actually SANG in front of an AUDIENCE? I wanted to be an actress ever since I remember but have long given up that dream..I look in the newspaper and see auditions for local theater but just can't seem to imagine myself acting again..Hmm..maybe someday?

8. I signed up for 2 races this week. One is a half marathon on April 17th. The other is a local Sprint triathlon in May. The triathlon is a relay with H and my daughter..I am doing the swim-the easy part! The half marathon I am running with another daughter-well we will start together anyway. I think she got the "running gene" but not from me!

9. I tried Hot Yoga yesterday. I became very ill at the end of the class, which was only an hour and should have been "easy". I almost passed out after the class and was mega nauseated. I remember trying this kind of yoga a few years ago and had the same reaction..I had vertigo at the time so thought it was that but no..I pretty much have concluded that I found something I need to accept I can't do..It also brought back memories of IMWA, which was pretty much like racing in a sauna..didn't do so well with that either..I really LIKE the idea of being able to "detox" while twisting around into unnatural poses (which by the way are ridiculously hard for me anyway because I am as flexible as a statue)..Well, now I just need to find a good regular yoga class that I commit to doing at least for the next couple of months..

10. The Olympics have been great. I am, however getting a little bored with them after three weeks. I do not remember ever getting tired of the Olympics before. I loved the figure skating and those amazing aerial tricks off the ski jump. That looks like the hardest thing in the whole Olympics to me!

11. When I am trying to be patient, I count..Like at the airport, or in the middle of a ride or race..I just start counting. It is probably some form of O.C.D.  Don't figure it really impacts my quality of life enough to do anything about it..

12. I realized on our trip how very little I need to live. A suitcase full of clothes, some toiletries, a purse and a credit card is about all need to be happy..A nice 5 star hotel thrown in there once in awhile and I am good!

13. I am really, really slow right now running and biking. Kind of like when I first started doing these things...I am trying to convince myself that yes indeed, my RBC's have not come back yet to give me that extra oxygen we living at altitude get to enjoy. Sure hope that is it otherwise...I just suck...

14. The scab on my infamous leg wound is almost off. After almost 5 weeks, I am almost able to swim, take a bath, stop looking at my leg so much. It is now the size of a pea..They were not kidding when they said shin wounds take forever to heal..I am sooooo lucky the infection cleared! I could probably take a bath by now but am too scared to get infected again. My friend told me about tea tree oil, a natural antiseptic that I used once the scab formed. I do believe it has helped the healing process. Probably not what the doctor would have ordered but it sure did not hurt anything..

OK, now I really do have to get back to cleaning the house!

What now??

If you want to know the truth about yourself just ask your kids. Mine told me recently I was this (Debbie Downer-wah, wah, wah). Thanks Bec!

Truth is...I have had shall we say mild depression since my re-entry into the real world..to say the least. First of all post IM depression is real..I have had it before. After the race, the let down can be intense. All that training, all that anticipation, all those endorphins, then BOOM..you land on the ground again...hard..Couple that with a predisposition to depression anyway and you have Debbie Downer for sure!

Well, I have a cure for this..at least temporarily. Travel for 2 months!! It certainly kept the blues away for awhile, that is for sure. Being in a new place every couple of days certainly keeps the excitement level going. Guessing what you will be eating the next day, trying new restaurants, flying in scary planes, fighting flies, ants in the bed..it all works! We spent a glorious 2 month vacation in which things went pretty smoothly and it was WAY better than I thought it would be. So then we landed home..

THEN..the STOOPID leg infection which, if you ask me was completely unnecessary to get me back to earth. I got the being home thing as soon as I put my first load of laundry into the machine at home..really I did. But the universe had other ideas...After 3 trips to the doctor, 2 antibiotic shots, 10 days of antibiotic pills I think the damn thing is finally healing. It is now the size of a penny and scabbed over (nice, huh?). So I can stop my cyber chondria now...I went from- probable gangrene sure amputation and MRSA (this is bad-you do not want to know how bad this can be)-never ending infection in leg to- damn I may live to see another day and even swim sometime this year!

Now what?!? I ask myself. It is cold outside, I have no desire to run, bike, swim even leave the house. Sounds a little like Debbie Downer doesn't it?  So I do what I do best..I PUSH MY ASS out the door!! That is what Ironman racing does for you. It teaches you that you can feel like shit one minute, SO SOMETHING TO FIX IT, and feel great the next. So that is how I am treating this little post IM, post fantastic vacation depression. Shoving myself out the door to run, to the gym, to shop..anything to break this nasty little blues feeling..

I am still lamenting over the damn IMWA race. I made a slide show of our adventures down under and I still cringe when I see myself on the bike, at the finish...it is hard not to still think I suck! Power walking a marathon is not recommended...ever....it was the major suck fest that I never want to experience again. To work that hard last year and to have the result I had (I know I should be happy I finished at all..blah, blah, blah)-really really sucks! So why is this still bothering me??? I cannot put my finger on it really..I have this expectation that if you want something bad enough and work hard enough, it should be yours! Is this realistic? Maybe not at my age...

Swimming is out for awhile with the whole leg thing (again MRSA-bad idea to have open wound at gym)..Which also is tough because it appears that is my strongest event..Maybe I should take up competitive swimming..I am sure there are faster women my age in that sport too (wah, wah wah..)

I am gonna figure this thing out eventually..in the meantime I am training for something, what I do not know yet. Probably some sprint tris, and maybe a half IM next year, because this is what I do! I also need to fix my expectations...this is probably some damn life stage I am passing through where I have to accept my limitations or something stupid like that (wah, wah, wah...)..

Rough re-entry!

Warning: this blog includes descriptions of yucky wounds, kind of depressing thoughts..so if you are having a great day..do not read:

Wow have I only been home 6 days?? That seems crazy to me..so much has happened. The trip home was uneventful although I noticed an increase of pain in my leg where I had fallen on the Milford Track. You know the one caused by neglect by a NZ company I cannot sue? The wound is on my right shin, only about 2 inches long but had been deep, near the bone. I had not really had any pain on the rest of the hike. After arriving home, Ibuprofen was not really helping the pain all that much anymore. Being an ex-nurse who saw ALOT of open chest wounds after heart surgery I was not particularly alarmed..This is just healing..I thought..I was pretty jet lagged..in general feeling yucky anyway..

Then on Tuesday, my leg REALLY started to sting..and I began to in general feel worse. No fever, just yucky. I hate going to the doctor these days. I actually have an aversion I think after all those years as a nurse..I am cynical about medical care in general and scared of hospitals. This is not particularly rational..Hospitals and doctors saved my mother in law 4 years ago. Medicine and a tough will to live has kept her generally healthy and alive. Then again, my sister died at the age of 52 in a hospital in 2001 of an infection that went into spinal meningitis. So I suppose my fear of hospitals, infections in general is warranted. H & I decided to call one of his friends, a GP who happens to practice up here in our hood. He said to come on down and he would take a look. I was pretty sure he would say It is fine-you are over-reacting. I know you are worried but it is just part of the healing process. He actually took one look at me and my leg and said, wow you are infected! You see I have this fear that I am either: a) going to die and b) over-reacting and a hypochondriac. Totally rational, huh? Holy crap! I thought..this is real!

There was some relief that I was not imagining my plight and felt fear as well. So he wrote me an antibiotic prescription and sent me on my way. OK, I think, this is it..now this thing will heal! I had trouble sleeping Tuesday night; the pain was keeping me up, now it was the whole bottom of my leg as well as the wound. Damn! I thought-this sucks. Wed afternoon I started throwing up. Convinced I had eaten something bad, I just stuck to liquids the rest of the day and hoped the damn Cipro would kick in soon. Then our friend, the angel doctor actually called me to see if I was OK. That was so sweet! I told him what was up; he gave me his private office number to call if I was not better soon. So yesterday, I felt like dog doo-doo. No fever, just general malaise as they say in the nursing business. I had no appetite and the pain was worse in leg and now there was nasty drainage involved. Oh shit! I thought as I went over to his office for the 2^nd time in a week. The office staff freaked out that I was there since this doc is not taking new patients. Amazing how quickly things happened once I insisted they go back and talk to Dr. Friend himself. I was in a patient room in no time. This time, he looked at me and my leg and said Now I am worried..But said it in a way that was not too alarming..I shared with him my history with infection and sister gone and he validated my fears. OK, so maybe this is overkill, he said but we are going to take half your blood in little tubes and culture the wound. AND you get a fat ass shot of antibiotics in your butt. I spent the next hour in his office getting all of this done. Today I go back to get the results of the tests and probably another SHOT in my butt..There was some talk of possible complications, infection in blood, bone, etc. Not good info for a hypochondriac such as myself but I listened,trying not to freak out.

I must admit yesterday I felt pretty crappy. Still no fever but generally blah..Stayed on my couch and watched TV and tried not to worry. H started looking up blood infections on the Internet. NOT A GOOD IDEA! We laughed when he said I had a 60% chance of making it if the infection went into my blood. We retired folks have WAY too much time on our hands!

I can’t get into cyberchondria on this one. Too scary..So am taking one day at a time. This AM I feel a little better, leg still hurts like a SOB (drugs are helping), still not much appetite. Can’t I at least lose the 5lbs I gained on vacation from this? Isn’t that only fair?

So for a neurotic like me, this is not a good situation. Not terrible, just not good. I am trying to distract myself with TV, Facebook, magazines, and my new Motorola Q phone (really nice-I love it)..Feel like I am somewhat losing my sense of humor on this already. This is NOT how I saw my re-entry into real life at home going after such a fantastic, beautiful fantasy 9 week vacation but hey, shit happens! You take what life dishes out and go on to the next thing. 

I feel much support from friends and family…

In the end, that is all that matters really. I am looking forward to the future in which I can organize my house, start training again..