Wednesday, May 30, 2007

Thoughts on transition..

A year ago today I closed my business. You know I had no idea a year ago what to expect when I closed my busy counseling practice. All I knew is I was completely physically, emotionally and mentally exhausted. I had planned to work for 5 years at least in the field but only lasted 3 and 1/2. It was one of the hardest decisions I have ever made. I felt I was letting alot of people down. People who "needed" me. I came to realize this was pretty arrogant of me. I mean they could only get help from me? It came down to choosing my well being over taking care of others. Now this is a life long lesson for me. I came from a long lineage of women who are care-takers. I had 4 sisters, I raised 4 daughters, now have 2 grandaughters and even the dogs were female (don't think they had much of the care-taking gene though-the dogs). I spent 17 years in my nursing career, raised 4 kids, then was a therapist. So what legacy do I want to pass on? There is a balance of giving to others and taking care of self. Have I figured this out yet? Probably not..I have spent the last year doing pretty much what I want to do, well within reason. Shifting the pendulum completely the other way. So what have I learned? I definitely have become less structured, more in the moment. My daughters think I changed the day I gave all my work clothes away. That was a big deal, believe me. We are talking banana republic kind of clothes. Very symbolic-clothes have always been important to me...i have become not quite a bum yet, but much less needing a "plan" all the time. this puzzles my family. I was really tired of constraints of always feeling like i needed to "do" something. Now I live more in day..that I know..So maybe eventually the pendulum will swing to the middle..I am a work in progress...

1 comment:

codytriguy said...

That is a triathletes dream schedual right there! Seems to me like this time of your life is well deserved. you've accolpmished more than i could dream of! Time to sit back and enjoy the fruits of your labor.