Tuesday, July 10, 2007

The dreaded "A" word..

I heard it today from a professional..the word that has meaning on many levels to me..I was recently prescribed physical therapy for a few bulging discs an MRI showed in my spine. This is mainly for preventative measures to make sure I can still keep abusing my body with training. Little did I know 13 years ago when my dreams were to be Cory Everson-(world class female body builder, before they started looking like men) and lifting heavy weights, I was also slowly damaging my spine. The doctor explained that since I lifted weights, it messed up my discs and now I have the dreaded "A" word.....ARTHRITIS! Now some may take this gracefully-"oh I am just getting older-normal sign of aging for a woman" But NO I want to say-"NO" to aging gracefully. I hate that my body is aging. Today the physical therapist used that word about my knee too-ARTHRITIS! Geez, it's spreading now...Now I have alot of fear about that word. My mom died at a fairly young age of complications of rheumatoid arthritis. By the time she was my age, she was in a wheelchair. She use to be a golfer, active woman and one day in her forties-boom! Some professional said that word and her life and mine changed forever. Having a handicapped mom is very strange. Here was the woman who raised 5 children, could do anything, fix anything, travel, be there for me and one day the "A" word stopped all that. Now she coped with it as best as anyone for 20 years. Never gave up until the end when she could no longer move or talk....As a result, I am pretty hypervigilant about any aches and pains I have that is for sure. I even consulted with a rheumatologist who is taking my fear seriously and working with my neurosis. He doesn't really think I have RA,but never hurts to stay ahead of the game with blood tests, etc..
So you see, that word is loaded..Now the "arthitis" I have in my spine and maybe knee is not the same as mom (is osteoarthritis-if you haven't heard of it and you get older, you will). but I think of this as an "older" person's diagnosis. Not me-I am in some serious denial about being 53 years old. I have always looked young-that has kept me from facing facts. And there are some miracle things that my favorite doctor does to my face to keep it young. Now I just need to find the nice doctor who can turn back the hands of time and stop this ridiculous aging thing..I have aches and pains I never had before. I am wondering if one day I will wake up and just not care anymore. Just start eating fat, sugar, stop working out, start smoking again, drinking. Just to hell with it and go out with a bang! I have told Hartley that if I get a terminal disease I am pulling out all the stops and doing all the bad things to my body i have given up for so long (well probably not but it's a dramatic dream)..
Well, I think the PT is helping my back. Today, there was a strange little man who tortured me for 30 minutes and called it "massage". But I think it loosened me up. He reminded me of Mr. Hyde or some guy trying an experiment on me. Not threatening by any means-just like I was a specimen he needed to knead and roll until he found the place that hurt the most then pushed HARD to "release it" I believe it is called Shiatsu or something. OW!!
More stuff to do when you get older to keep up the athletic ability..that is for sure..
And..my new name is Peter Pan..

4 comments:

Becca said...

This blog entry makes me think you need to get out there and take a picture of a few FLOWERS...whatever happened to the art of aging gracefully?! ;-)

GeekGirl said...

I'll never forget the day that I as told that I had Osteoarthritis in my feet. When I said, "Huh?" he said, "Wecome to getting old" Yeah, thanks for that, punk!

Bones said...

“Just because you are paranoid doesn’t mean they aren’t coming after you” My dad was bed ridden at 57 with RA, my grandmother was in a wheel chair from her early 30’s because of it. Yeah, join the paranoid club….:)

Anonymous said...

I know EXACTLY what you mean, Debi... Will I be next????? UGH! I am not looking forward to that :-(
You are STILL the sister I look up to the most! :-) You are so awesome!
Love you
Molly